Listings info derived from tvguide.co.uk that stuck me as remarkable for various reasons.
Doctor Who (BBC3, 7pm)
The Sound of Drums Part one of two. The Master seizes his opportunity to begin a reign of terror on Earth, becoming prime minister under the pseudonym Harry Saxon and announcing mankind has made contact with an alien race called the Toclafane. Guest starring John Simm, McFly, Sharon Osbourne and Ann Widdecombe.
I mention this rather obvious choice simply to say that, had I read this at any time prior to about 2005, my head would probably have exploded. Mainly because of the last sentence.
A One Night Stand with Pixie Lott (ITV2, 9pm)
The singer performs a selection of hits and new tracks, including Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh), Cry Me Out, Turn It Up and Broken Arrow, and a cover of Kings Of Leon’s Use Somebody. She also sings a medley featuring Last Nite by the Strokes, Black Eyed Peas’ Meet Me Halfway, You Were Young by the Killers and her own Boys and Girls.
When I first saw this advertised I thought it was a special offer, or possibly a fly-on-the-wall documentary. As it is had I tuned in I would probably have been very disappointed. Damn you, ITV2, for your misleadingly prurient programme titling policy.
Jaguar Adventure with Nigel Marven (Channel 5, 7.30pm)
The naturalist swims among Brazil’s spectacular aquatic life, a paradise of tropical fish. After watching giant otters up to two metres in length hunt for food, he follows a female jaguar for a whole afternoon as she searches the riverbank for a meal and plays with a discarded beer bottle.
Surely giving away the exciting climax in the listing qualifies as a spoiler? Anyway, I suspect the female jaguar may have spent all afternoon looking for food because all the food was frightened off by the man in shorts shouting in a monotone that was following her around. (I thought Nigel Marven got eaten by a giganotosaurus last spring, but clearly I was wrong.) As it is, if playing with a discarded beer bottle counts as an adventure I’m glad I’m not a jaguar.
Nigel Marven being eaten by a giganotosaurus. Not a very good picture, but it always cheers me up.
Eurotrash: The Sexy Bits (Channel One, 11.30pm)
A visit to a town that banned plastic surgery.
Mmm, that does sound erotically enticing – sagging, leathery skin and wobbling dewlaps as far as the eye can see… excuse me, I need a moment here. From what I recall of Eurotrash, it was nothing but sex most of the time, so why they’ve bothered to retitle it I don’t know. Oh, hang on, this time it’s an accurately prurient programme titling policy, it’s just the channel that has a daft name…
Kara Tointon: Don’t Call Me Stupid (BBC3, 9pm)
The actress and Strictly Come Dancing contestant discusses her personal battle with dyslexia, assessing how the condition defines her and shapes her day-to-day life. As she sets out to undergo tests and receive specialist help, Kara asks whether she can ever stop it from holding her back, and meets other dyslexics, who reveal the impact of the much-misunderstood condition.
Kara, love. You’ve been in EastEnders. You’ve been in FHM. You’re the face of a lingerie brand (not that I’ve Googled for images, or anything) even if it is for Asda. You’re currently hanging in there on Strictly, though obviously Widdy’s going to outlast you. Just how exactly do you feel dyslexia is holding you back? Tell you what, you stop asking damn silly questions just to get your own documentary, and then I’ll stop calling you stupid.
No Chic. Just Geek. 