People across America and the world were shocked last night when they realised they were actually able to make out the words in a Christina Aguilera vocal performance.
‘We were completely amazed at first, then that just gave way to outrage,’ said Mr Hank J. Madeupname, a viewer from Winkensotavania. ‘At first we were just enjoying all the hooting and shrieking like you’d expect from her when she’s trying to sing. But then my wife said she could actually understand what she was saying – and after a moment I realised I could, too.’
Other viewers expressed similar opinions, saying this was highly disrespectful and not at all what they’ve come to expect from a performance by Miss Aguilera.
Since her rise to fame in the late 20th century, Christina Aguilera’s career has been based around unintelligible yodelling-styled hits such as ‘Waah-aahh-ooohh-ooohhh-eeeee-aaaaahhhh’ and ‘Eyyyy-ahhhhh-eeeee-ooohhh-waaargh’, and also dressing up like a hooker from Star Wars.
Miss Aguilera has been attempting to keep a low profile since the scandal erupted.
When reached for a comment last night, a distraught-sounding Miss Aguilera said ‘I’ve no idea what went wrong. Sorry everyone. Eeee-aaaaaa-whoooo-waaaaah!’ (although it may just have been someone pretending to be her, in case her lawyers are reading this).
No Chic. Just Geek. 
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