Prince William is to divorce, Buckingham Palace announced today, in a move unlikely to shock many people. The final details are still being worked out between the Prince and his fiancee, Kate Middleton, but the final dissolution has apparently been pencilled in for around 2022.
‘I know many people will consider this announcement to be premature,’ a spokesman for the Queen said, ‘especially as they haven’t actually got married yet. But given the general atmosphere of uncertainty prevailing in so much of modern life, we thought it was best to let people know as soon as possible.’
When asked why they were still bothering to have the wedding, the Palace’s answer was robust. ‘Tradition is very important to the Royal Family. The traditions of press speculation, of a lengthy engagement, of an overscrutinised wedding, and then of protracted and rancorous divorce proceedings – all these things have a long and glorious history, and surely no-one would wish them to slip into disuse.’
‘Putting on a brave face,’ apparently.
The Queen was reported to be putting on a brave face, and had just bought a new hat. A motley assemblage of bigots, environmentalists, playboys, sports impressarios and failed TV producers Other members of the Royal Family echoed her sentiments. ‘One has to accept this as a fact of modern living,’ said an unnamed Prince. ‘I think William still has it in him to be a great King. I would just ask people to respect his privacy and think of the children. Should they end up having any.’
When asked if he had any advice for Miss Middleton, our source would only say ‘Just steer clear of Dad, and be very, very careful if you ever go to Paris.’
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